The Self-Aware Leader: How Your Emotions, Assets, and Liabilities Shape Your Team
Reading time: 7-9 minutes
Quick Summary
We're more "others-aware" than ever—and dangerously self-unaware as a result
Your emotions are socially contagious—your mood cascades to your team whether you realize it or not
Self-awareness has three aspects: emotions, assets (what energizes you), and liabilities (what drains you)
Understanding your wiring prevents burnout—it's not the amount of work, it's the type
The space between stimulus and response is where leadership maturity happens
Three reflection questions to immediately increase your self-awareness
We are incredibly others-aware right now.
Always watching someone else's feed. Always comparing ourselves to that leader who seems to have it all figured out. Always checking what the competition is doing, what that other mom or dad seems to be doing perfectly (which isn't possible, by the way).
We're watching everyone else so closely that we've lost sight of ourselves.
And here's the irony: self-awareness has never been more talked about. Ever since Daniel Goleman published his work on emotional intelligence, these concepts have been everywhere—every leadership book, every conference, every corporate training program.
We're at an all-time high for talking about self-awareness.
And an all-time low for actually practicing it.
So let me cut through the buzzword and give you three practical aspects of self-awareness that will change how you lead.
What Self-Awareness Actually Means
Self-awareness is how my emotions, assets, and liabilities impact others.
That's it. Not some abstract concept. Not navel-gazing. It's understanding how your internal world is shaping your external influence—whether you realize it or not.
Let me break down each piece.
Your Emotions Are Contagious
Whatever mood you're in tends to cascade down to other people.
Psychologists call this social contagion. We are socially contagious to each other. If you've been in a rough place over the last six months and you bring that into work, it's no surprise to your team. People know. They feel it. You're not quite yourself.
If you're incredibly grounded—maybe you're going to the gym, you're in prayer, you're meditating, you're letting things roll off your back—they're going to feel that too.
"As goes the leader, so goes the team, so goes the meeting, so goes the attitude that is portrayed."
I think everybody would agree with that statement. Your mood changes rooms. Your anxiety creates anxiety. Your groundedness brings clarity.
A few weeks ago, something frustrating happened in my family. It wasn't life-changing, but I was really spun up. I could feel the anger building. And I knew—if I walked into my house in that state, I was going to ruin the evening for everyone.
So I texted two close friends and said, "Can you guys connect before I walk into my house?"
We scheduled a call for 4:30. I talked them through the situation. They validated my feelings—"I understand that you're angry about this"—and then gave me advice on how to navigate it.
I went for a walk. Spent some time in prayer. And about an hour later, I was able to walk into my house grounded.
That's self-awareness in action.
The lie is that you either have it or you don't. The reality? This is a muscle. I've learned that when I'm in a bad spot, I don't want to transfer that to my family. I don't want to transfer that to my team.
And that probably looks like getting up early. Focusing ahead of time. Creating space before you walk into the room.
This is why I start every coaching session by asking, "What's your energy level and encouragement level, one to ten?"
If someone's a two on encouragement, that's very different than if they're at a nine. I need the context. And I use a phrase a lot in coaching: the context determines the course.
The context of how you're doing determines the course of how that conversation goes. The context of how you're coming in—if not interrupted, if not changed, if not melted away like my frustration was—will impact those around you.
Especially when you don't know about it.
The Space Between Stimulus and Response
Viktor Frankl talked about the space between stimulus and response.
Between here's what I'm feeling and here's what I'm experiencing—and here's how I'm going to respond, especially in front of people.
We love watching movies where the unlikely leader infuses hope, infuses belief, infuses DNA into a group of people. We want to be those kinds of leaders.
The challenge is living in between the stimulus and the response. In between the moment. In between the context. In between what we're experiencing that is real and that is hard—and how we choose to respond to that situation.
I was with a leader a couple of weeks ago who walked in and said, "I've got to be honest, my head's spinning after a potential opportunity I had for a meeting last night."
We looked through it together. We found out he was both excited and anxious about this future opportunity. We were able to separate those emotions. Put them on paper.
What did we do? We made him aware of what emotions he was feeling.
And then that allowed him to move to action.
Another way to say it: he had clarity, and then he could take courage to take his right next step.
You've had blowups on your team before. You've had times where you needed to apologize later. That's part of being a team. That's part of conflict.
But we need this space that Frankl talked about. Between what's happening to us and how we choose to respond.
Your Assets: What Energizes You
Now let's talk about assets and liabilities together.
A few years ago, I came in contact with Patrick Lencioni's book and assessment, The Six Types of Working Genius. I immediately became a fan. Patrick is a phenomenal strategist, phenomenal consultant, just a great thinker and a great human.
What I love about the Working Genius is that it brings six different types of work and allows you to understand your drains and your fills. It helps you understand the energy and fulfillment you have at work.
Ever wonder why you get super drained doing some tasks and then really excited doing others?
This is a vital part of self-awareness.
For me, if I'm going into a day of ideation, or a day of content recording, or a day where I'm working with leaders—I'm shot out of a cannon. I'm so excited to get out of bed. It feels like I've had six cups of coffee because I love what I get to do and there's meaning in it.
But if I had to organize spreadsheets for a full day and go through processes for eight hours? It would feel like eight days. I would wake up begrudgingly. I would be moaning about the day ahead.
The Working Genius helped me and millions of others understand this.
"It's not the amount of work that burns you out. It's the type of work."
Patrick calls them geniuses and frustrations. We have two geniuses, two frustrations, and then two competencies in the middle. I think this is the best framework I've ever seen for understanding your wiring.
I require it for those who are receiving coaching with me and with our team because it is that valuable.
Here's what's really interesting: we unknowingly come from this lens of saying, "I don't want to do that."
And so for years, I had scheduled my days to not be doing spreadsheets, to not be doing detail work that's called tenacity in this framework. When I have to over-support somebody, it feels a little unfair to me. And I've realized—oh, that's enablement work. That makes sense. That drains me.
And that very thing could give you so much energy.
This is where I love the creativity of our Creator in the way that we are all designed and wired up.
Your Liabilities: What Drains You
Let me give you another way to understand your assets and liabilities. I call these drains and fills.
Very simply: there are things that put water back in your bucket, and there are things that drain the water from your bucket.
These are tasks. These are interactions. These are people. These are environments.
And we just don't talk enough about these things.
I particularly think we don't talk enough about environments. What environments fire you up? What environments do you absolutely love? And in what meetings, situations, or types of gatherings do you just absolutely hate being?
One of the leaders I coach absolutely hates going to conferences. Another one cannot wait to pack his bag and get out of town because he's going to connect with people and learn a ton.
It's usually not the thing. It's usually how the thing either drains us or fills us.
You are wildly gifted. And we need you to bring your very best to the world. To share that. To impact people in that way.
And you have weaknesses. And we need to work around these.
If we're a big enough organization, we can staff around these. We can work our weeks around these.
This is a massive reason for burnout. Because if we are not self-aware enough to know that it is generally not the amount of work, but the type of work that is draining us—we'll never solve the problem.
If you put me in a role where I was responsible for numbers and spreadsheets, I would give you months until I was saying, "I'm out, I can't do this anymore." Maybe even weeks.
And the same could be true—but the exact opposite—for you.
This is how we build teams.
Why This Matters
We need to be self-aware of these things. And then we need to continue to have conversations with folks about this.
Will there be conflict when our emotions are hot and high? Of course.
Will there be times we don't understand our assets until we trip over them? Of course.
And will there be times when our liabilities poke up out of nowhere and we didn't see them coming? Absolutely there will be.
But we need to be committed to self-awareness work.
"A self-aware leader can serve others well with full awareness of who they are and who they're not."
This is identity work. You cannot be all things. You are not good at all things. And you cannot compare off somebody else's paper and say that you are that kind of leader.
Frequently Asked Questions About Self-Awareness
Q: How do I know if my emotions are negatively impacting my team?
A: Ask them directly. Questions like "How does my mood impact you?" or "When I walk into a room, how does the energy shift?" Their answers—both encouraging and uncomfortable—will show you patterns you can't see on your own. You can also track your own emotional state before meetings using a simple 1-10 scale for energy and encouragement.
Q: What's the difference between self-awareness and overthinking?
A: Self-awareness leads to action. Overthinking leads to paralysis. If you're noticing your emotions and then making intentional choices about how to respond, that's self-awareness. If you're spiraling in analysis without movement, that's overthinking. The key is the space between awareness and response—not endless rumination.
Q: What if I don't have time to work on self-awareness?
A: Self-awareness doesn't require hours of therapy or journaling (though those can help). It can be as simple as a five-minute walk before a meeting, a quick check-in with a trusted friend, or asking yourself "What am I feeling right now?" before responding to an email. If you don't have time for self-awareness, you don't have time to lead well.
Q: How do I figure out my Working Genius types?
A: Take the assessment at workinggenius.com. It's a quick assessment that identifies your two geniuses (what energizes you), two frustrations (what drains you), and two competencies (what you can do but doesn't particularly fill or drain you). Once you know your types, you can start designing your days and delegating tasks accordingly.
Q: What if my role requires me to do work that drains me?
A: First, get clear on what percentage of your work is draining versus energizing. If it's 80% draining, you're in the wrong role. If it's 20-30%, that's manageable—batch those tasks, limit their time, and protect your calendar for energizing work. Talk to your team about redistribution. Often what drains you energizes someone else.
Q: How do I become more aware of my emotional triggers?
A: Start tracking patterns. When do you get frustrated? What situations make you anxious? What types of conversations leave you feeling drained? Keep a simple log for a week. You'll start to see themes. Once you can name the pattern, you can interrupt it before it cascades to others.
Q: Can self-awareness actually prevent burnout?
A: Absolutely. Most burnout isn't from doing too much—it's from doing the wrong things for too long. When you understand your drains and fills, you can redesign your role to maximize energizing work and minimize draining work. You can also catch emotional exhaustion earlier before it becomes full burnout.
Q: What if I'm self-aware but my team isn't?
A: Model it first. Talk openly about your own emotions, your wiring, your drains and fills. Create space for others to do the same. Use tools like Working Genius as a team exercise. When self-awareness becomes part of your culture—not just an individual practice—everyone benefits.
Your Next Step
Let me leave you with three questions:
What is one situation that brings you emotions that are unhealthy or unfair to the people around you?
What are a few assets or parts of your wiring that you need to be utilizing more in your role?
What are some liabilities you just need to name to your team—and how can you get to doing less of those things?
Self-awareness isn't about perfection. It's about knowing who you are and who you're not—so you can lead from a place of clarity instead of chaos.
Listen to the full episode on the H2 Leadership Podcast.
Leadership is complex, but it doesn't have to be lonely.
Let's get after it.