Discover Your Unique Design: How to Maximize Your Talents and Stop Living Someone Else's Life
Reading time: 8 -10 minutes
Quick Summary
Most people are getting lived by their lives instead of actively living them—and the main reason is they don't understand their design
Your unique design is the convergence of form (what energizes you) and function (how you serve others)
Focusing only on passion is incomplete—we need to talk about usefulness and value
Understanding your design prevents burnout far more than just working less
The environments where you thrive matter as much as the work you do
Design clarity doesn't happen at 22—it comes over time as you discover where spark and service overlap
A few days ago, I was planning a board retreat with a leader who does absolutely incredible work.
This guy equips hundreds of leaders across the world—in some of the hardest-to-reach places you can imagine. He raises funds, trains leaders, connects people across continents. I'm sitting there listening to him, and honestly? My jaw was on the floor.
I was thinking, "How in the world can you do that? How are you wired to pull that off?"
But here's what was interesting. He talked about his work like it was easy. Natural. No big deal.
And then we got to the board retreat planning. He paused and said, "I've never really done this before. We're a new organization. That's why we're bringing you in—I don't know how to structure this."
About 45 minutes later, we had the whole thing mapped out. Clear agenda. Flow. Outcomes. Done.
And you know what I felt from him? The exact same thing he felt from me at the beginning.
He was thinking, "How can you do that? How are you wired to structure a retreat like it's nothing?"
Here's the reality: I can never be him. He can never be me.
So let's not try.
The Problem: We're Getting Lived By Our Lives
One of the reasons I believe God put me on this earth is to help people uncover their unique design in a culture of comparison and counterfeits.
Because most people? They're not living their lives. They're getting lived by them.
They wake up and see what their phone tells them to do. What their emails say. What meetings they need to show up at. They're reacting. They're passive. They have no agency.
And I believe the main reason people don't feel they have agency in their life is because they do not understand their design.
Once we understand our design and we have clarity, then we can take courageous steps to live within it.
I didn't even know coaching was a thing. I thought coaching was reserved for sports. I could not have told you I would be a coach. Not that long ago, podcasting wasn't a thing—and I had no idea we'd be able to reach thousands of leaders while they're driving to work, doing dishes, walking their dog, with life-giving, life-altering content.
But once I uncovered my design, I could move to take courageous steps toward it.
"When you understand your design, powerful things happen. People are unleashed. People are empowered. Wrongs are made right. Beautiful things come to life that never would have been before."
We all have a unique spiritual, practical, relational, and emotional fingerprint. You are uniquely designed for impact.
But if you don't know your design, you'll spend your whole life trying to live someone else's.
Design 101: Form and Function
When we think like a designer, there are two essential elements: form and function.
Form is about beauty, spark, passion. It's what makes you come alive. It's the work you wake up wanting to do.
Function is about usefulness, practicality, value. It's how you serve others. It's where you meet real needs.
Let me give you an example.
Have you ever been to IKEA? I love the design aesthetic—that simple, Scandinavian look. Beautiful form.
But here's my problem with IKEA: I hate assembling it. It falls apart easily. The chairs aren't comfortable. There's form, but not much function.
On the flip side, you've probably seen the most comfortable couch in the world—beat up, covered in dog hair, stained from years of use. Super functional. But you don't want it in your living room because it looks terrible.
Designing your life is the same.
It's built on form—on spark. I hope you wake up wanting to do your work, or at least seeing the purpose in it.
I have a friend who's been a trash man for many years. He's one of the most connective, joyful people I've ever met. He understands his design. And guess what? He lives that out at work—with his team and with the trash he takes away from our curb each day.
That's the form piece.
But there's also the function piece. That's about usefulness and practicality.
"So many leaders, especially young ones, do not know: How can I make an impact on other people? How can I be useful or valuable?"
The Underused Question
We've spent a lot of time and energy talking about passion over the last 15 or 20 years. And I don't believe that's wrong—but I believe it's incomplete.
We haven't talked as much about purpose or even just usefulness.
And I love this question when I walk into a space: How can I be of value to your team?
Somebody might say, "Hey, could you give us thoughts on this? Can we do some Q&A? Can you lead us in an exercise where we can get calmed down and grounded together?"
When I enter an environment, I don't want to just say, "Here's my thing I'm bringing to you." I actually say, "Okay, how can I serve? How can I be valuable? How can I be useful?"
That question has been underused. And I'll tell you, it brings such great joy.
As people get older, they tend to ask this question more. Instead of wanting to be amazing or famous or known, they ask: How can I be useful? How can I be of use in this environment?
I want to encourage you and challenge you to think about that.
How could you be of greatest use for your team—in a way that reflects your unique design?
The Environments Where You Thrive
Most leaders don't think about the environments where they thrive.
Maybe you're an incredible speaker, but you don't love being in a conference-type environment with 3,000 people.
Maybe you thrive one-on-one, and your communication gifts come out there.
Maybe you love speaking, but you love speaking to a smaller group or a mid-sized group.
Pay attention to the kind of environment. You can actually create an ideal environment for you.
I get speaking requests all the time. And I know exactly the kind of environment that I love.
Just a few days ago, I got one. It was a mid-sized environment—maybe 30 people. Leaders. A multi-day event. I'd be able to share meals with these folks.
As soon as possible, I said yes. Because it's the kind of environment that I am uniquely designed to thrive in.
I'm enjoying it. I'm bringing value to them.
There's form and there's function. When those two converge and come together, beautiful things can happen.
A Warning: This Takes Time
I want to give you a warning. This probably isn't going to happen at 22 years old. This may not even happen at 30.
It's something that over time—these two balls, these two orbs—come together into a Venn diagram where you get to understand there's overlap.
There's overlap between the form and the function.
I work with all kinds of incredible leaders. One of these organizations has a literal waiting list for people to jump onto their team and be hired. A waiting list. I have never heard of this in their industry.
That doesn't happen on accident.
It means there's something below the surface that people feel and people experience and people want to be part of.
That's the kind of leader I want you to be.
Not just in your work. But in your family. With the people who need you most.
We believe work can be dignifying—that people can come home energized for their families instead of coming home drained.
The Audit: Finding Your Design
Here's something I encourage a lot of leaders to do: Do an audit at the end of the day.
Rate your day one to ten and ask why.
Another way to do this: Map out your ideal day. What is your ideal day at work?
You could even do this: What's your ideal day off? What's your ideal Sabbath day where you're resting and replenishing?
And then: What is your absolute non-ideal day? What is your day that just drains you and feels like an absolute beat down?
That says a lot about your design.
Go back to last week's episode on self-awareness. If we do not understand ourselves, we're not going to be able to understand our design.
And if we do not understand our design, we are not going to be self-aware. Our teams will know: "I've got more in the tank. I could be more useful here."
Co-Designing Your Life with God
We are life designers. We are invited by God—the living God, who is the Designer—to co-design our lives with Him.
And this is incredibly exciting when people get it. And incredibly sad when people don't.
You realize so many people out there are just getting lived by their lives. They're not living their lives.
They're not doing it actively. They're doing it passively.
Why don't they have agency in their life?
Well, maybe they're not motivated right now. But I believe the main reason most people do not feel that they have agency in their life is because they do not understand their design.
"Once we understand our design and we have clarity, then we can take courageous steps to live within it."
One of my favorite things to do is have leaders come out for three days. High-capacity, hard-charging leaders come out for three days with me. We do some adventure. We do some solitude. Question asking. Great meals.
And this is what we're after: figuring out what is their unique design.
And then, once we can name that, creating a plan to unleash it.
We look back and look for clues in their past. We look below the surface right now and ask, "How are you discovering this and uncovering this right now?" And then we look ahead and say, "Can you live out more and more of your unique design?"
I love it.
And the great irony for me is that part of my unique design is helping other people discover theirs.
The Leaders Who Get This
The leaders I work with have done the hard work to uncover their design—or are currently doing it through coaching.
And then they get to live within that.
Their teams understand who they are. Understand their extreme strengths and extreme weaknesses. Those go together.
Most of the leaders I work with say, "I know that there's more. I just know that there's more."
The more is probably not out there, friends. The more is probably right here.
And once you have clarity on your unique design, then you can take your courageous next steps to actually live in it.
And then you can consistently do those things on a regular basis.
Your Next Step
Let me leave you with two questions:
In what area of your life or leadership have you lost the spark—and what would it look like to tweak some things so you could recover it?
In what area can you be more valuable to the team you serve?
Friends, there's form and there's function. When those two converge and come together, beautiful things can happen.
Leadership is complex, but it doesn't have to be lonely.